I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
