He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
