just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
