is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Randomize
