Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
