i think i have herpe
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days