I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.