Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't deserve a penis
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.