why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.