i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
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I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
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he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The UTI came back with a vengeance.