Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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(512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c

Replies (46) Good night (1302) Bad night (4710)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.

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(410): Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning. http://tfl.nu/oj20

Replies (7) Good night (743) Bad night (3686)
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(765): View more from Indiana

my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.

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(765): my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes. http://tfl.nu/hrf7

Replies (8) Good night (4434) Bad night (663)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?

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(717): where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from? http://tfl.nu/obbh

Replies (27) Good night (2484) Bad night (6881)
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(315): View more from New York

The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.

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(315): The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/brn7

Replies (15) Good night (5272) Bad night (1306)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Haha did she know what fisting meant?

(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself

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(734): Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that. (1-734): Haha did she know what fisting meant? (734): Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself http://tfl.nu/kykk

Replies (21) Good night (1482) Bad night (5496)
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(330): View more from Ohio

would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.

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(330): would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles. http://tfl.nu/usa7

Replies (27) Good night (2129) Bad night (5868)
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(416): View more from Toronto

You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..

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(416): You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water.. http://tfl.nu/3ccr

Replies (16) Good night (1372) Bad night (4268)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.

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(504): He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom. http://tfl.nu/xop2

Replies (2) Good night (1614) Bad night (1096)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.

(1-989): View more from Michigan

You did this to yourself.

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(989): I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation. (1-989): You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/o89r

Replies (11) Good night (1699) Bad night (769)
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(224): View more from Illinois

I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

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(224): I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!". http://tfl.nu/pw3u

Replies (8) Good night (3350) Bad night (871)
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(541): View more from Oregon

im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more

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(541): im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more http://tfl.nu/azy4

Replies (9) Good night (3304) Bad night (839)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.

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(918): We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off. http://tfl.nu/7uo8

Replies (13) Good night (1868) Bad night (636)
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(253): View more from Washington

Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.

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(253): Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts. http://tfl.nu/ycxv

Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (535)
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(217): View more from Illinois

if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago

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(217): if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago http://tfl.nu/bg9i

Replies (3) Good night (957) Bad night (303)

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