Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
