the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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