Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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