Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
