so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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