Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize