the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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