yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
