yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
