happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
