Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
