If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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