I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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