watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
