I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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