I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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