Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
