This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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