Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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