I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
