carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
