I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
