if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
