Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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