So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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