32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
