You really coming over, don't trick.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
did i walk over a car last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
