this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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