It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
