So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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