You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
