Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
