i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
