Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
