He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
