I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
