i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I could fuck to npr.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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