I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
