I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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