Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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