i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
