i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
