We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
