laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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