I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
