My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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