Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
