one two three fourrrrnication!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My ass is underappreciated
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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