I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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