My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
