i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
