I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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