Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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