She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
