East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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