So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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