she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
