Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
