I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
